it burns it burns

the burn, it reminds me of summers lost in time to me. faint memories of happyness and love faded all to quickly from my thoughts. this was not supposed to be a time of sarrow but of change, now all i can see is the diming light of everthing i worked for slipping away, she was right im not ready for this, i dont think ill truely ever be, and yet it still burns, why wont it just go out. there nothing left to burn and it keeps going, maby in the end that was my porpis, to start the burn, feel the burn, and let the burn take over, all i can ever remeber is the pain i have brought others, and all my forsight see's is more pain, caused by yours truely. is this really all i was ment for? to burn away happyness of those around me? .......

i know she dosent read this. in her position who would, but this was lame and it sucked, i still function, i didnt just fail at life like i usally do after, but it still sucks, this truelly is a damn anberlin song

So i lost it again, it was all the same joke life plays on me, atlest i was ready, maby thats why it faild so quickly. who knows i am not happy anymore though, i guess its time for somthing to happen

doh

this really sucks, in the start it clicked so well, now it failing. i dont want it to, i want to try harded but it seems like she has already given up, this really sucks, for once i was ready, why cant it just work. this really sucks and im not happy. in fact the fact this is failing again is almost devistating, out of anyone i have had in my life, the wounderful ppl, the beautiful girls, she was always the main goal, and again im going to watch her leave, this is the joke i was waiting for, the puchline, Haha one person who makes you the happyiest ...... GONE lol you suck,

"I'm here for you," she said
and we can stay for awhile,
my boyfriend's gone
we can just pretend.
Lips that need no introduction
Now who's the greater sin
Your drab eyes seem to invite
(tell me darling) Where do we begin?

Was this over before...
before it ever began?
Your kiss, your calls, your crutch
Like the devil's got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your lips, your lies, your lust
Like the devil's in your hands

Everyone in this town
is seeing somebody else.
Everybody's tired of someone
our eyes wander for help.
Prayers that need no answer now
I'm tired of who I am.
You were my greatest mistake
I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin.
Was this over before...
before it ever began?
Your kiss, your calls, your crutch
Like the devil's got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your lips, your lies, your lust
Like the devil's in your hands

Failure is your disease
You want my outline drawn
You were my greatest failure
Discourse your saving song

Was this over before...
before it ever began?
Your kiss, your calls, your crutch
Like the devil's got your hands
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your lips, your lies, your lust
Like the devil's in your hands
[x2]

Many things to decide opon i need a 2nd job, but what of eveything els? i still want to be out by 21 but is what i have in my life able to help with that? many things must be looked over and i might lose much so i can gain more.

i did have a good day

It was nice saw a few ppl, ate dinner with fam, then it died, this is lame, i didnt deserve this

No i dont mean to make sense, if you can make sense of what i say, you are supposed to, even if i dont know you. Know this to all who understand me, i love you and part of me always will even if i never meet you. For this world has closed its eyes, and for those that resist and keep them open, or just by accident you understand i love you all for that, for your voice to never be understood weakens you. you who understand strengthen me.

On another day c'mon c'mon
With these ropes I tied can we do no wrong
Now we grieve cause now is gone
Things were good when we were young

With my teeth locked down I can see the blood
Of a thousand men who have come and gone
Now we grieve cause now is gone
Things were good when we were young

Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)
Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)
Will I ever learn? (c'mon c'mon)
(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)

As I make my way c'mon c'mon
These better nights that seem too long
Now we grieve cause now is gone
Things were good when we were young

With my teeth locked down I can see the blood
Of a thousand men who have come and gone
Now we grieve cause now is gone
Things were good when we were young

Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)
Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)
Will I never learn? (c'mon c'mon)
(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)

Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)
Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)
Will I never learn? (c'mon c'mon)
(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)

And know this day these deepened wounds don't heal so fast
Can't hear me croon of a million lies that speak no truth
Of a time gone by that now is through

Burn baby burn

I wish everything where on fire, not burning just on fire, things would look so beautiful. the alurring dance of flames every where you look. If anything it would hide the ugliness this world holds, and if all forgot for one second that the ugliness was there, ..... then it would be lifted form our sights and things would be how they should be.

so i wake up, and the first thing i can think of was i wish she where here. im lame i know. other i dont got work today, tuesday i get my phone. though thats second, tuesday i get to see her. ... my right shoulder achs, something painful will happen soon. it all ways was a warrning, ever sence i messed it up that one day in ele school. ok here we go....

Wow

Im so happy, its wierd.

Wow im depressing in the morrning lol. but latter like now im happy :) go mood swings

Pay check

i got a plan already for my next pay check, 1 get a nice ass phone, 2 put money away for a car, 3 give rest to the person who makes me happy so she can pay bills and be happier, this is what im doing with it, i cant think of anything else i would want to do with it, .... i wish i had more money, then i could show the one who makes me happy all i wish i could do for her. but atlas im not and its pointless to mention it, but its my blog so i can say what ever :) its wierd i miss her already lol i haven't felt this foolish sense high-school. around her my heart beats out of its chest, a kiss form her is better then any lay. i know that chances are it wont last, i want it to but thats how this world is now, but for while it last i will take every minute i can get, for in the end all we have is the memories that make us happy, and the ones with her are the happiest. Dont get me wrong though, i dont expect it to fail, no do i expect it to last, i just expect it to run its course. i just hope i can make her as happy as she makes me.

To day i make a blog, ..... bloody ayla made it look fun.
though to day i feel nothing no happiness, no sadness,
Just nothing.
i dont know what wrong with my head why i cant trust anything or anyone,
why am i so sickened by my fear?
Everyone has fear but i cant stand the fact i do,
did i make the right choice?
i promised myself i would never try this again,
and yet here i am trying.
i hope this dosent hurt like last time,
but i cant help it, its all i ever really wanted.
lol sense no one would think to look for me on here i got a nice journal.